“Plants Feel Pain” Is a Dumbass Excuse

Plants feel pain,
as we all know
I won’t trim my hedges,
I cry when I mow

Plants feel pain,
it must be true
When I cut asparagus,
it makes me so blue

Plants feel pain
Oh, how they suffer,
I feel so bad for the
poor cucumber mothers 

Plants feel pain,
I bury lemons and limes
Dandelion funerals
take up all my time 

But “plants feel pain”
is something 
only meat eaters say,
to avoid sadness and guilt
from getting in the way
of their crunching and munching
on animal corpses
so they can smile guilt-free
at the death they’re endorsing

So they can load it with ketchup 
and serve it with fries
They don’t give two shits
about broccoli lives

"Plants feel pain"
is a dumbass excuse 
so you can claim not to care
about animal abuse

Written June 16, 2019